December 15, 2003

When the Cover-Up Is the Crime

I stayed clear of the conversation about cover songs last week — not because the topic bores me, but because even after racking my brain, I couldn't think of enough examples worth mentioning. Not enough good covers, at least.

If you want bad covers, though, I can talk about those for days, no thanks to my friend Robert Drake. He thought so well enough of me once that he burned me a disc of covers gone horribly, horribly wrong. A man couldn't ask for a more ... er, unique gift.

How bad, you ask? It haunts my nightmares. The thought of Tom Waits groaning through "Somewhere" like he'd just been made the victim of a war crime [*.ram] makes me want to curl up in the fetal position to this day.

A track listing, for those strong enough to stomach it:

  1. David Sedaris, "The Oscar Meyer Song"
  2. The Mike Flowers Pops, "Wonderwall"
  3. Tom Waits, "Somewhere"
  4. The St. Benzedrine Monks, "Theme from The Monkees"
  5. Dwight Yoakam, "Train in Vain"
  6. An unidentified Richard Nixon impersonator, "Folsom Prison Blues"
  7. Johnny Cash, "One"
  8. Mojo Nixon, "The Star-Spangled Banner"
  9. Tom Lehrer, "Clementine"
  10. The Dead Kennedys, "Viva Las Vegas"
  11. Barry Kirwin, "I Ain't Marchin' Anymore"
  12. The Kings Singers, "At the Copa"
  13. Ruben Blades, "The Man Who Sailed Around His Soul"
  14. The Vandels, "Summer Nights"
  15. Gwen Hughes, "Annie's Song"
  16. Sandra Bernhard, "Little Red Corvette"
  17. David Sedaris, "The ’70s 'Love' Theme of Coca-Cola"
  18. Robert Reich, "Chain Gang"
  19. Bluegrass All-Stars, "One Love/People Get Ready"
  20. Steve Lawrence and Edie Gormé, "Black Hole Sun"
  21. Pat Boone, "Crazy Train"
  22. Pat Boone, "Stairway to Heaven"
He skimped on Star Trek tracks, I know — but I think he left those out because of the mercy rule. Songs by Star Trek cast members sound so awful [*.ram] that comparison with a song by a mere mortal looks flat-out unfair.

Posted by Greg Greene at December 15, 2003 11:29 PM

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